You know how it is. Sometimes you just want to go fabric shopping but the European Union (EU) calls you to Brussels for a meeting on what to do about the deaths of two hundred and twenty five-thousand healthy human beings, a lot of them children, in the Syrian Civil War.
Many know that the EU is too far gone too collapse, but it still has a hearty appetite and its 28 members dined well in in the high gastronomic firmament of Brussels several times before the first meeting.
Even the famed leader of the al-Qaeda-linked terrorist organization al- Nusra showed up, mistakenly thinking the meeting had been called by ISIS. If things had gone right, Abu Mohammad al-Golani would have been shot dead on the spot when he tried to enter the opulent hall, but his famished looks enabled him to get by security. He stood next to the delegate from Latvia, gulping large-grained Beluga caviar from a spoon.
The Latvian delegate tugged at al-Golani’s arm. “I’m confused,” he said.
Al-Golani didn’t look up, went on gulping greedily.
“Are you confused too?”
“You are not alone.”
“That’s good.” Golani tossed the spoon away and licked his fingers listlessly. “Syria is on the ropes,” he said.
“That’s why we’re here.”
The delegate from Slovakia, who liked to be called The Giant, patted the delegate from Greece on the shoulder and told him, “if you’re ever in Kosice, just ask for The Giant.”
People were still getting bombed and burned and dying in Syria when they started the meeting. Angela Merkel was fishing around in her briefcase. The delegate from tiny Belgium minced over to her and asked, “Are you confused too?”
She looked at him with her startled eyes and pulled out from her briefcase a printout of the armed groups in the Syrian Civil War, which included 31 rebel factions. “You’ll just have to memorize this,” she said, thrusting it into his hands. She crossed her arms impatiently until he looked down at the list.
“That’s a lot,” said the delegate from tiny Belgium. “I’m confused.”
And there may be more tomorrow,” she said sternly. “Army of Mujahedeen wants to be listed.”
“There’s no getting away from it.” The delegates from Austria and Poland linked arms and sauntered up to the meeting table. “We simply must get some nitrogen mustard.”